yourebreathing

I don't know if I'm in love anymore.

I wish I lived with him.

Sometimes I feel like I could just leave
Like I could just leave and no one would notice. If I just got up and walked away right now, who would notice? Who would grab my hand and tell me not to go? Sometimes it's nice to walk away from something and to get pulled back and to have someone look into your eyes and say "Don't go, I need you. I really need you."

If I stood up and exited my apartment right now, the only thing that would be noticeable would be the lack of music coming from my bedroom. and the filthy dishes piling up in the sink. Maybe they'd notice that the litter box was dirty too. The only thing noticed is my sleaning skills. I do it all the time, but still don't get thanked for it.

I always wonder how someone can be so absorbed in their own little world that they don't stop to look around them and realize what's going on. To just stop and think "Wow, that person really has done alot for me.". Instead I get someone who is so set on negative thinking that the only thing they notice in a field of flowers is the one with a missing petal.


I'm glad I have a partner who appreciates me and says thank you. And will still hold me even when I'm naggy. I'm thankful for him. Sometimes I don't feel like he's as nice to me as he could be, but that's minimal. Am I just like my father?

I refuse. I outright refuse to be like him.

Sometimes when I sit back and look at what's happening in my life, I get scared. Other times, I can't WAIT for the future.

I'm ready to move and I'm ready to just step away from what I have now and just move forward. Start new. Start over with love at the beginning and throughout until the end. Bring it on.

I'm sitting here listening to Garbage and talking to some friends on AIM.
It's raining outside, like usual. We've been on this streak where every other day it rains. I've been able to set my calendary by it. I wish rain could home in on things that actually want it.. like plants, trees, grass...it should leave the concrete alone. I wonder if it really is some higher powers urine. A question that will plague man-kind for centuries.

Current Music: Ghost - Graham Richardson

You know, I was thinking..

I said to Paul that I was writing in my journal. And he said he respected me for writing in a paper Journal. And you know...10 years ago, would that be something to respect someone for? Probably not. The art of writing has changed alot since the dawn of the internet age.
We've gone from newspaper articles to cnn.com and from Paper journals to E-Journals (Blogs). It's a strange world we live in.

We are moving in leaps and bounds in terms of what we can do to accomplish laziness, how come we can't find a simple way to stop pollution and the consumption of meat? It doesn't seem that complicated to me. Maybe that's just me. Sometimes I think we're the most beautiful creation and sometimes I find us so ugly and terrible that I can't stand to look at another human being let alone myself in the mirror.
Sometimes I question my partner. I question his honesty and I question his selflessness. I question his honesty for several different reasons. I question the thought of him being a "Good Person". I don't know if he's a good individual. He doesn't believe in Charity. HE doesn't believe in returning things that are rightfully anothers. Sure, with alot of Charities, a big portion of the money goes to a middle man. But it's better than nothing.

It's like that story of the man walking along the beach after a storm and throwing all the starfish he could back into the water. There were thousands. Another man said to him "Why are you bothering to throw them back into the water, there are so many of them. It's not going to make a difference.". The man throwing the starfish into the water replied "It may not make a difference to you or me. But for that starfish, it made all the differenc ein the world".


My partner has a friend who found a very expensive item at a nightclub that would easily lead back to the owner and yet his friend refuses to hand it over. To me, that's wrong. On many different levels. And yet when I voice my Opinion to my "partner" he gives me many different reason as to why my opinion is invalid and stupid. I should at least be able to have one. But in this relationship idea's and opions are foreign to me and I fear that I may never be able to experience them. In my paper journal I was tellingmyself that if by the time I read it again that time travel should be a common occurence, they should return to October 30th 2005 at 12:30am and inform me of my future.

Right now I'm uncertain and scared of what's to come.


And then we come back to Karma. "Give a penny, take a penny."

Current Music: Snowfalls - Uknown.

I have a LiveJournal account already. But this is going to be my personal/public journal. I think I'll keep the link to myself (except for maybe people I don't know in person..) But I'll leave the journal public.

It'll never be read. But I can be my own little person on here. No hiding. No leaving stuff out.

It's the day before halloween. You know some years I can feel halloween coming, it's like that tense feeling in your stomach you get as the date approaches. Everyones got that look upon their face like, "Wow, I can't believe it's the holiday season already."

Everyone gets that, it happens every single year. Everyone is amazed that the year has turned over once again. IS it because we're all (secretly, albeit) afraid that time itself is ending? Are we afraid that maybe, one year everythings just going to stop? Time will come to a crashing halt and when we all get back our feet and brush our sleeves from the lurch of the stopping earth, what will we do then? Have a chuckle and then watch as gravity finally lets loose it's tight grip it's had on us for years. Wave to your best friend as you rise above that skyscraper and then maybe hold hands as you reach the end of our atmospher? Would you grip tighter as you choke for breath? And finally, you freeze together. You're hands will be locked for eternity. No bacteria to eat your frozen flesh. Locked in that grip of love until god himself lays to rest.

That's how I see my end. It's going to be beautiful.

Current Music: Speed of sound - Cold Play